"A man is a slave for obeying unless behind his obedience there is a recognition of a holy God. Many a soul begins to come to God when he flings off being religious, because there is only one Master of the human heart, and that is not religion but Jesus Christ. "
-Oswald Chambers
This is what we are trying to share. We have talked religion in circles with so many we have encountered, but when we talk about Jesus, that is different. I can't help but notice the hopelessness and pointlessness of Buddhism. The power to reach fulfillment, they say, is in themselves. It is entirely based on their own adherence to the eight-fold-path and the four noble truths. And the goal? The fulfillment they seek? Nothingness. Emptiness. Nonexistence. If you do not exist, you cannot have desires. If you do not have desires, you cannot have cravings, and if there are no cravings, there is no suffering. So to escape from pain, you must cease to be. Fulfillment is to be nothing.
How sad is that?
I long for them to understand the hope I have in Christ. To understand a grander purpose for their lives, one that revolves not around self, but around One who is worthy and beautiful. Life is not meant to be empty.
I do agree with them that desires can be bad. I have recently been working some things through with God and clearing my heart of my own desires. Desires for my own good. For my own glory. For things that I want. These desires lead only to suffering. I must die to myself; I must decrease and He must increase.
But desire is not bad, not when it is properly placed. God fulfills our desires, our deepest longings... in Him. When our desire is to know God and make him known, that is where joy comes from. And there is not a chance I would want to give desire up. I have hope in so much more than just a cessation of suffering. I have hope because I am loved so much that God became flesh and took the punishment of my sin on Himself, that I might be saved. That I might spend eternity in relationship with my glorious God.
I've been thinking of the story of Abraham and Isaac. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son, and with him, Abe would also be giving up his desire for a family, a lineage that would continue... there was so much wrapped up in this one command. So Abe raised the knife, prepared to give it all up for his desire for God. BUT... God provided a ram. God's desire was not the physical sacrifice, but the sacrificial heart. One that was willing to give up everything for one consuming desire.
So, I've considered that story many times in my life. I have asked myself if I am willing to give up anything and everything for Christ. Easy to say yes. But then I got thinking seriously about it, and here's what I discovered about my selfish self:
I think I depend on the ram to come through.
Somehow I always seem to think that He wouldn't really make me give up everything. I just have to be willing to, right? But if He really does call me to give it all up? All my attachments, achievements, relationships, hopes, and plans? What if the ram doesn't come? Surrendering these things for speculation and truly giving them up are two different things. What if God does desire to put to death every desire, even the ones that seem good? Am I still willing to slay it all?
Even if every desire is left unfulfilled, if all my plans, dreams, thoughts, and wishes are left unfulfilled, may He be praised. For one desire will be fulfilled... the only one that has any significance. My desire for Him. If my Lord is in control of my life, heaven and earth could come crashing down, and I would have rest and peace in Him. So my faith is not that God will provide a ram, but that He is worthy and better than anything I lay before Him. I pray I can truly offer everything to the Lord, not in hopes of a ram, but with hope that I know the resurrection and the Life. In dying to myself, I have Life.
Here's another one from Ozzie Chambers:
"The Spirit of God in the process of sanctification will strip me until I am nothing but 'myself,' that is the place of death. Am I willing to be 'myself,' and nothing more - no friends, no father, no brother, no self-interest - simply ready for death? That is the condition of sanctification. No wonder Jesus said: 'I came not to send peace, but a sword.' This is where the battle comes, and where so many of us faint. We refuse to be identified with the death of Jesus on this point. 'But it is so stern,' we say; 'He cannot wish me to do that.'Our Lord is stern; and He does wish us to do that.
Am I willing to reduce myself simply to 'me,' determinedly to strip myself of all my friends think of me, of all I think of myself, and to hand that simple naked self over to God? Immediately I am, He will sanctify me wholly, and my life will be free from earnestness in connection with every thing but God."
So now my question is, how do I know what to lay on the alter? How do I truly give up everything? What does that look like? Feel like? I need wisdom. So I've been asking for wisdom. But how do I get wisdom?
The fear of the Lord.
What does that mean? I have asked this many times over the years. Apparently it is key to everything. It is the beginning of wisdom. It is my confidence. It is what a wise person does. All throughout the Bible it is mentioned. But how do I live that out?
Here's some blurbs of what I think it means to fear the Lord:
Recognizing His holiness
Responding in obedience
Honoring His word above all else
Recognizing his authority and lordship in my life
And still, these seems kind of like abstract ideas. So how do I do these things on a day to day basis?
I'm in the process of sanctification. God is working on me, but each day brings me closer to Him. I am more and more convinced of His goodness with every passing moment. He is worthy of all I can give, all that I am, and sooo much more. I may have questions, but I know the Answer, the Word that is the source of all wisdom, life, and peace is in me. In the midst of emptying myself of self, I am filled to overflowing with Him. And I have hope for all eternity. May He receive glory.
The kids ranged in age from two weeks to 25 years. This was the youngest member of the group... Emily got lucky enough to hold this precious bundle for a while. 
Ok, this kid was INCREDIBLE. That's like what, a 2? 3? year old? He could play the drums better than I can. I was thoroughly impressed. AND he was wearing suspenders. Which made the cuteness factor almost unbearable. 
This was my buddy for the day, Nook. She has to be one of the sweetest girls alive. I spoke with her in very broken Thai and had a mini conversation, and we became fast friends. I did not want to say goodbye. She gave me a picture and a note from her, as well as a little teddy bear. So sweet! 
We also sang some worship songs, the kids in Thai and us in English. I wish I could describe how beautiful it was. These kids sang so wonderfully, every one of them. And they all knew the songs and sang with all their hearts. Just a taste of what heaven will be like.
Um, adorable. I tried to fit a few in the back of our song tow, but it just didn't work. Oh well. 
I don't know what it is called, but it was HILARIOUS to watch. Two people in the middle were blindfolded and had to call out two numbers. Those two people had to run across the circle and switch places while the blindfolded peeps tried to catch them. Some of our team members were realllllly getting into it! I have an epic video, but my computer takes approximately 27 years to upload videos, and I don't want to be 50 when I finish this blog. 
So we finally had to say goodbye, though the kids held our hands through the song tow windows all the way to the gate. And my heart was ripped out. I am so blessed to have visited them! 
